Jerry springer hosts a stargate full show
by mardoc
Summary: sam and daniel fight over someone they love and Apophis wants his Teal'c back.....


THE INTERGALACTIC JERRY SPRINGER SHOW:  
  
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND OTHERWISE UNSPECIFIED  
PLEASE WELCOME TONIGHT'S HOST  
AND GALACTIC PROBLEM SOLVER  
JERRY SPRINGER...."  
  
Audience CHEERS  
  
Jerry Hello all. My guests here today say that they both want the same the same love and before they make their move they want the other out of the way.  
  
Audience Ohhhhhohhh  
  
Jerry Please meet Sam, she says that she has been after her superior for over a year but says that someone else is getting in the way. Sam welcome to the show.  
  
Sam Carter looks up at Jerry and nods.  
  
Jerry So Sam you really like your superior and someone is stopping your efforts.  
  
Sam Yes Jerry. You see I know that we would already be having a flourishing romance.  
  
Jerry Well Sam lets meet your competition. Please give a warm welcome to Dr. Daniel Jackson.  
  
Daniel comes in and the crowd boos. He tries to threaten Sam and she comes towards him but is blocked by Steve who when he hits Daniel with his finger Daniel collapses onto the floor crying. He is picked up and put into a seat.  
  
Sam You ****** little wimp you. He's mine.  
  
Daniel Nooooooo he's mine, stop getting in the way you horrible ****.  
  
They attack each other and eventually sit down amidst screams of outrage from the audience.  
  
Jerry OK OK lets meet this sought after superior. Come on in Colonel Jack O'Neill.  
  
The crowd erupts in outrage booing Jack as he dodges both of the others who each try to grab him and sits down.  
  
Jerry Jack welcome to the show.  
  
JackIt's a pleasure to be here Jerry.  
  
Jerry So Jack I hear that both of these lovely people want you. I think what we want to know is which one do you want. I mean they are both wonderful in their own ways but you can't have both.  
  
Jack I don't want either they are both ***** compared to the new person in my life.  
  
Sam and Daniel look sad and scandalized.  
  
Jerry Alllright lets meet Jacks secret love. Come on out here.  
  
The audience erupts as Colonel Harry Maybourne comes onto the stage. Sam and Daniel try to attack him and Maybourne slaps Sam and taps Daniel who promptly faints. And then grabs Jack who is laughing at Daniel who is lying on the floor.  
  
Jerry We'll be back...  
  
JerryOk my guests today say that they want some one back. Please meet Apophis he is feeling angry because some rotten people from Earth have stolen his first prime. Apophis Yes Jerry. I am angry, VERY ANGRY and usually when I am angry I blow up the offender's planet but as my property is on the planet I really can't so I phoned your stupid program instead. Jerry(looking a little doubtful about Apophis' sanity) Right everyone please give a warm welcome for General Hammond the man who has possession of Apophis' first prime. The Audience Boo senselessly. Hammond sits down looking a little dazed.  
  
Jerry Thank you for joining us general.  
  
Hammond I had no choice ten Jaffa broke into my house and threw me through the gate still sleeping.  
  
Jerry eyes Hammond still in his 'Caffeine Junkie' Jammies.  
  
Jerry Apophis what do you have to say to General Hammond. Apophis I WANT MY TEAL'C BACK.  
  
Hammond Teal'c oh Yeah they kidnapped him to.  
  
Teal'c is suddenly thrown onto the stage wearing his 'Hug me' Jammies and clutching his model staff weapon toothbrush.  
  
Apophis See that Teal'c belongs to me.  
  
Hammond sighs and puts his head in his hands.  
  
Hammond Listen Mr Evil System lord.  
  
Apophis Yeah.  
  
Hammond If I give you back your Teal'c will you let me go home. I need my beauty sleep and I really need to go to the bathroom.  
  
Apophis I suppose that's fair.  
  
He signals to them and the Jaffa begin to drag Teal'c off to the Mothership.  
  
Teal'c General Hammond do I have no choice in this matter. Hammond Nope sorry but I have gardening to do tomorrow bye I'll give your love to SG1.  
  
Jerry sits on his stool and begins his speech.  
  
Jerry Well thank you to all my guests today. The moral to today's show is....." Looks around him at Mayboune who is asleep on Jack's shoulder, the medics carrying Daniel away on a stretcher, Apophis fitting a leash on Teal'c and Hammond nodding off on Sam's shoulder.  
  
Jerry Heck there is no moral really except perhaps you never know how insane people can be.  
  
By Silvia 


End file.
